So, yesterday I hung out with a super good friend and her 6 yr old whom I adore to pieces. And it hit me.... the mommy mode.
I'm at the age I think where a girl generally starts to consider whether or not it's time for a kid. Now, I would in no way be financially ready for a kid right now (*cue the hyperventilating on costs*) but I think that in other ways I'm all for it. I worked my way up the life ladder.... I kept a plant alive, I kept 2 cats alive for the last 5 years, I got a dog....then another dog who are both healthy and happy... so I think that I can successfully not endanger a child's life, right? People let me babysit and there's no trauma involved. Not saying that raising a puppy is the same as raising a child but there's similar principles right? I've been around enough kids through friends and family and helping in day cares to know that there's potty training, feeding, discipline, sleep, etc... which is pretty darn close to getting a puppy not to drive you completely mental. I love kids... I can hang with them, read them stories, play make-believe, not freak out when they break stuff or get me dirty... and they tend to like me a good amount too.
Spending time with B yesterday and hearing "Auntie Squid" (it's what she calls me lol) about a million times and asking me for things and wanting to hold my hand or have me carry her or play dress up with my high heels and overall being just an awesome kid (kudos to my pal M for raising said awesome kid) made me happy and really kind of want that. I know that there's so much work and patience that goes along with raising a child... I've been made more than aware of that over the years... but I'm not getting any younger. I don't want to first become a mommie when I'm 30. I just don't.
I don't know, maybe I'm destined to another 5-10 yrs of just being "Mommie" to 4-legged creatures....
27 July 2010
22 July 2010
Getting Back to Me
It's been awhile...
I'd like to say I've been off doing something totally fun and spontaneous but, sadly, that's not even close to the truth.
I've been... well, a little down on myself. Graduating school was super exciting when it happened, but hasn't had many high points since then. Jobs are hard to find and as many resumes as I have out there, rejection comes faster than I can send more. A person can only hear "no thanks" so many times before they can't do anything but take it personally. I know that not many places are hiring, I know that if they are, I don't have the "requested experience", I know that I'm not the only one dealing with it.... but I feel like there's nothing I can do. And I hate being out of control.
All of that rejection from the corporate world has led me to nabbing a part-time job in order to pay the bills. Unemployment around here has been dealt a crappy hand and those of us still trying to find our way got cut off. Not saying that there aren't people taking advantage of the system, because there are. However, there are those of us who are actually trying to get work and can't. The bank account is getting very empty and my pride has a few wounds.
Not working and getting rejected made me a pretty lazy person. When there's nothing that is forcing me to get out of the house, I just sit around in sweats watching movies or tv or sitting online looking at shit I really don't care about because there's nothing else to do. I feel like a shell of me. On top of that, I don't really know anyone in the city I live in since I just moved here a year ago and it makes me super sad that none of my friends are around. When I get to see them I never want to leave. Was I stupid to move? Will I make new friends? I don't want new friends, I want MY friends. It's unfair, but I want them all to move down here so I can keep them! That's just the stupidest thought, but it would make me feel so much better.
But, now that I'm working (even though it's only part-time) I feel a little more productive. I feel like I have some sort of a reason to even bother showering. I hope I can turn this around and make the best of it. I don't really have much other option.
I'd like to say I've been off doing something totally fun and spontaneous but, sadly, that's not even close to the truth.
I've been... well, a little down on myself. Graduating school was super exciting when it happened, but hasn't had many high points since then. Jobs are hard to find and as many resumes as I have out there, rejection comes faster than I can send more. A person can only hear "no thanks" so many times before they can't do anything but take it personally. I know that not many places are hiring, I know that if they are, I don't have the "requested experience", I know that I'm not the only one dealing with it.... but I feel like there's nothing I can do. And I hate being out of control.
All of that rejection from the corporate world has led me to nabbing a part-time job in order to pay the bills. Unemployment around here has been dealt a crappy hand and those of us still trying to find our way got cut off. Not saying that there aren't people taking advantage of the system, because there are. However, there are those of us who are actually trying to get work and can't. The bank account is getting very empty and my pride has a few wounds.
Not working and getting rejected made me a pretty lazy person. When there's nothing that is forcing me to get out of the house, I just sit around in sweats watching movies or tv or sitting online looking at shit I really don't care about because there's nothing else to do. I feel like a shell of me. On top of that, I don't really know anyone in the city I live in since I just moved here a year ago and it makes me super sad that none of my friends are around. When I get to see them I never want to leave. Was I stupid to move? Will I make new friends? I don't want new friends, I want MY friends. It's unfair, but I want them all to move down here so I can keep them! That's just the stupidest thought, but it would make me feel so much better.
But, now that I'm working (even though it's only part-time) I feel a little more productive. I feel like I have some sort of a reason to even bother showering. I hope I can turn this around and make the best of it. I don't really have much other option.
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